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Love Punch To The Note Gut with Ruby Fremon
We’ve got a special edition of the show with a rock star who is going to give me a little bit of punch straight to the Note gut, as we like to call it here. She’s somebody who I’ve known for a short period of time. I met her at the New Media Summit Conference in Austin, Texas. We hit it right off the bat. I absolutely love her energy. I love the fact that she does not blow smoke. She is a straight shooter, straight to gut kind of conversations. All of you know we don’t pull any punches. We’re here to shoot it straight to you whether you like it or not. You can love us or hate us, but you know you always get the honest truth here. We’re honored to have the one, the only, the lady, the myth, the legend, Ruby Fremon with LovePunch podcast. What is going on, Ruby? How are you doing?
I’m doing awesome. I’m doing better now that I’m with you.
Has it been a rough day?
It’s been one of those days where I have been grinding. It’s like when you have a giant salad and you start eating it, the salad’s still there. It’s still giant, it’s not getting any smaller. That’s what it felt like. It’s all good stuff but there’s a lot all at once happening.
That’s a good sign, then. That means you’re busy and things are rock and rolling and kicking butt. Why don’t you share who you are, what LovePunch is all about and your expertise? Who is Ruby Fremon?
I am a no crap, no-nonsense life coach who is here to help you amplify your voice and use that voice to create an impact on this planet. I specialize in working with the new generation of thought leaders. People who know they have a message and a purpose but are struggling with putting themselves out there to make their voices heard.
We’ve got entrepreneurs and people on our audience from all across the country, internationally too. A lot of people are going from working a job and chasing the entrepreneurial dream starting to become a leader in their industry, whether they’re starting off or they’ve been in it for a while. What are the biggest hurdles that you see from your clients out there that are struggling to get the word out or maybe identify who they are?
One of the biggest hurdles I see people fall into is the one where they do not take action due to wanting to have it all super freaking clear, “I need to know exactly who I’m speaking to. I need to know exactly what I’m offering. I need the perfect tagline. I need the perfect website. I need the perfect logo before I put myself out there.” That is something that so many people struggle with. Part of it is perfection but so much of it is also that fear of judgment, that fear of being seen as an impostor, that fear of not being taken seriously and that fear of, “I don’t have anything different to offer.” They’re letting them pull them back from taking action.
I have a good friend of mine, Greg Reid, who is the author of Think and Grow Rich, Three Feet from Gold and he told me one time, “You have to stop believing the crap that you tell yourself.” His mentor told him early on, every entrepreneur struggles with that aspect. We want everything to be perfect and we all know perfection is impossible to achieve. It is the way I look at it. Deliver better than perfect.
Say the thing that’s holding you back is, “I’m afraid that people are going to judge me.” That’s a story that you carry in your subconscious mind at all times. What you’re doing is subconsciously throughout the day, every single day is you’re finding evidence to prove that theory correct. You’re seeking out evidence, “See, that person judged me. See, that person wrote that comment on my IG. See, this happened.” Then you completely ignore the dozens or hundreds of other examples of people proving not to be incorrect. What I always tell my clients is seek out evidence to prove your stories wrong because you’ve been seeking out evidence to prove those stories and it’s not working for you.
What are some of the things that we can do to overcome that?
First, you have to be aware. This is where a lot of people trip up. They don’t fully acknowledge what it is that’s holding them back. They want to use excuses like, “It’s because I don’t have enough resources, I don’t have the support. I don’t have the money. I don’t have this. I don’t have that.” They aren’t aware of the fact that, “It’s me and my stories that’s holding myself back. It’s my fear of judgment that’s holding myself back.” Looking at that, being aware of it and then owning it. For our audience, what is it that’s holding you back? Get super honest with yourself. Ask this question, “How am I holding myself back? In what ways specifically am I holding myself back?” Write out what comes up for you and sit with that and own it.
How am I holding myself back? Ask yourself that. A lot of times, a lot of people just throw up stupid stuff. I’ll look for that one person, that one Negative Nancy, that one Debbie Downer out there versus the 100 people that liked your post. There are people that responded back positive and you only pay attention to the one person who called you an idiot or said, “You shouldn’t be doing this,” when that person is just a dark hole of a soul.
Seek out evidence that’s going to prove those stories wrong. That begins with you understanding your stories and owning them, owning all the ways in which specifically you are holding yourself back or all the ways in which specifically you are getting in your own way.
I deal with a lot of people and there are a lot of people out here that are our note family. We’re big on marketing. I’m not scared to market. I’ll do some crazy stuff out there. I’ll put it on a Fourth of July hat, a beard and wish everybody Happy Fourth of July to be goofy just to get the work. A lot of people aren’t the Wild West gunslinger. They’re reserved. They’re more introverted. For those that are introverted, who are scared, are there simple things that they could do to start building confidence? With the clients that you work with, is there a simple step that you like to do or tools that you give them to help them get it out there and start taking action?
I’d rather just push someone off a plane and tell them to learn how to fly on the way down. In all honesty, we don’t get over our crap and unless we have the courage to face it. Believe it or not, I am highly introverted. A lot of people think introverts are uncomfortable around the camera. Introverts are more comfortable in front of a camera and a computer screen than most people are because, “I’m in the safety of my house. I might have pajama bottoms on. You don’t know.” All of this is crap, you’re labeling yourself and you’re owning that label and everything that comes with it by saying, “I am an introvert and this is just who I am and how I’m going to do it.”
If you were my client and you came to me and said, “I’m introverted. I’m scared of going on the camera,” I’d asked you, “What are you scared of?” You would share with me what that is, “I’m scared of being judged. I’m scared being seen.” I’m like, “I wonder what the way out of this would be. Should you just do a video and see what happens?” What happens is say it’s the worst -case scenario. You have crickets because that’s the worst-case scenario or you have a troll who says something stupid in the comments. You’re still here, you’re still breathing, you’re still around. Nothing’s changed. You’ve just learned something. It’s the persistence of continuing to put yourself out there in that way that’s going to help you build that skin because at some point in your life, you’re going to have to say, “My purpose and my mission and my vision is so much bigger than my crap.” If you don’t make that decision or you don’t choose to believe that, then you’re going to be stuck in your crap for the rest of your life. It’s just not going to work. I have been known to push my clients. I even had a client, she was scared of putting yourself out there. On a VIP day, I took her on flying trapeze and I was like, “This is what you’re going to do.”
If people are outside of their head wondering why they’re not doing something that scares them, it’s not the same thing as speaking in front of an audience or even filming a podcast episode or doing a webinar after their audience or an email blast out of their database.
Those are great examples because they’re so different. If you get down to the nitty-gritty, the fears are all the same. Whether it’s the email blast or the video or speaking on stage, the fear is the statement, “I’m scared of being seen as an impostor. I’m scared of not knowing what I’m saying. I’m scared of being judged by the people who are going to read this or see this or watch me on stage.” It’s all the same.
You work with a lot of people that are experienced with some things and people still struggle with stuff. You’re also working with people that are new to their fields, correct?
Yes, because that doesn’t go away. You know this and I know this. Our souls are sparkling clean and nice but we still have to deal with it. That doesn’t go away. We get better at navigating it.
That is a great thing because we navigate our fears, we navigate around them. I know there are things that I struggle with and I’m like, “I build up to it. I’m going to do this. I build up to it. I’m going to get it done.” Always, the fears are worse in my head and for most people, the fears are always worse in our heads than it turns out to be in real life.
They amplify. As long as you’re keeping it in your head and not taking action on it, it’s going to sit there and amplify because you’re anticipating. In anticipation, it raises the vibration of fear. What you want to do is you want to take that actionable step. What is the one thing that you can do to help you move past the fear and prove the fear wrong? What is one small piece of action you can take? I have a lot of clients where they’ve struggled with doing videos. We get them on video and they’re like, “That wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.” We do this crazy thing in our heads where we anticipate things. We make things feel so much heavier and worse than they are. When we do the thing, it’s not that bad.
I’m hearing people’s conversations. I talked to a guy wanting to get into what we do with note investing and I’m like, “What’s your background?” “I don’t have any background.” “Everybody’s got a background. What’s your background? Have you taken any classes on real estate investing?” “I took this one guy and I took this other thing.” I’m like, “Have you pulled the trigger on anything?” “No. I decided it wasn’t for me.” I’m like, “You want to do this one. You want to do performing notes. Are you going to use your own money?” He’s like, “No, I’m going to use other people’s money.” He called me in on a blocked caller, no caller ID. I said, “Do you have this and this? Do you have a LinkedIn profile? Do you have a BiggerPockets profile? Do you have social media profiles?” “No, I need to be secret.” I’m like, “How are you going to get out to investors or get the word out on what you’re doing to help you evolve? How will you get out of the rut you’re in? If you’re not going to do that, you might as well just go back to your job and quit doing real estate.”
They want a quick fix. They want a quick solution to all of their problems when by refusing ownership of your problems, that’s what’s going to keep you stuck in this cycle or even perpetuated. If you have something to say, if you have a message, if you have a purpose, if you have a mission, services, products, whatever it is, how are people supposed to find you if you’re not putting yourself out there, especially in this age where the social media landscape is so loud? Everyone’s out there saying something being loud, so you’ve got to do it in your own way and in a way that vibe with your energy and the way that only you can show up and speak about what it is that you are an expert on and do so unapologetically.
Do you see that a lot of your clients, a lot of entrepreneurs that are judging themselves on competition or other people may think that they need to do exactly what everyone else does? They don’t realize that that person has been doing it for ten years or five years. They don’t think about the fact that maybe they started grassroots effort-wise.
We see the highlight reel on social media. That’s why social media is a gift and a curse. Social media has also given rise to comparisonitis. Everyone is suffering from comparisonitis because we’re seeing people’s highlight reels on social media. What you’re not seeing is the hours of labor, of effort, of energy, of resources that they have invested in themselves and what they have created and built. Which is also why, on the flip side, I feel that authenticity always wins. The way that I’ve always presented myself online is I’m going to show up however I am. If learning something, I share that with my audience because that’s what shines through. All the noise is being authentic. Social media has made it super awful for comparisonitis.
I still fall victim to it when I’m scrolling when I shouldn’t be scrolling. We get sucked into the black screen. Meanwhile, two hours later I’m still glued to my phone. You have to break free from and understand that what you have is different because you are different. The only way that people are going to know is if you just use your voice and present yourself to the world. Otherwise, you’re going to be complaining about not making money, about your mission, not taken off, about your services, not selling and it’s your own fault.
We are all the product of the decisions that we have made on a daily basis. We’re all here at where we’re at because of what we said yes to or what we said no to or what we’ve decided not to do and the decision was made for us. That’s one of the big things I tell people like, “Whether you do or don’t, the decision is being made. Either you’re going to get up there and send an email out to your database to raise capital or find deals or do something or you’re not.” Then some of them are going to get an email from somebody else who’s going to go do that and you’re going to be like, “I should have done that. I should have, could have, would have.” You just should have done it. The point is to start taking steps and start taking an action on it. Start filming a video. Start taking an action and do some stuff. Let’s face it, we all struggle. You and I have talked about everything. I’ve struggled with things, with our coaching and my business from time to time. Everybody goes through the peaks and valleys.
The valleys are what teach us things. They teach us how to show up better. When we learn what doesn’t work, we learn so much more about what then could work. Embrace those failures. I posted this on Instagram, “Embrace your mess.” This is a messy journey. We’ve all seen that graph where it shows the entrepreneurial journey where it’s not a straight line, it’s this squiggly line. That is the mess that we live as entrepreneurs. It’s going to be messy, but you’ve got to embrace it because that’s the journey that you’ve signed up for. If you’re expecting just this straight shot up, then you’re in the wrong business because that’s not how this works. I would find that a little boring because you’re never learning anything. I would think that you would plateau at some point.
We all plateau. You have success for a while and you don’t constantly put yourself out there, you plateau. We’ve been going through changes in our business with a variety of different things on the asset acquisition we do or the marketing side or the classes that we do. It’s a lot of plates spinning. You mentioned you don’t want to spin plates, you’re in the wrong business. I’m an entrepreneur, but there are times that you just have to let plates fall to focus on the bigger plate. Relegate that to somebody. Do you have any tips for anybody who can’t let go of everything? The control freaks that want to do everything perfectly because they want to do it all themselves.
What I’m going to say to you is bravo. You’re going to be stuck exactly where you’re at. Keep it up. At some point, you’re going to say, “Screw perfection,” and just show up. I messed up so much in my entrepreneurial journey and in my endeavors. People are so afraid of that because they look at it as a failure because the way that we’ve been raised most of us when we fail, it’s the worst thing ever. We’re going to be punished. It’s bad. We’re not going to move onto where we want to be. These are stories that we were told and we carry this into adulthood. Anytime that we’re faced with doing something that could possibly lead us to failure, we are going to hesitate. What you need to understand as an adult is that when you’re in the pit of failure, when you mess up, when something fails, your life isn’t over, you have an opportunity and it’s up to you to utilize that opportunity and you utilize it through resilience, by bouncing back up and by doing something else that’s better because you’ve learned from this failure.
Failure, we want to look at it as our foe but it’s one of our best friends because it teaches us something so powerful. The more that I have failed, the cozier I’ve become with failure. A lot of people use the word fearless. I don’t believe in becoming fearless. Fear is there for a reason. However, when you are comfortable with the idea of failure, it’s so easy to just run right through your fears. All of these is like a muscle. You have to work it out every single day. This is real life. I want you to think about this. What is something that you could do that is going to take you towards your fear, one actionable step that will have you leaning into your fear that if you were to do this, you would be closer to achieving X, Y or Z, whatever it is that you’re looking to achieve? What is that one thing? Go do it.
Gary Keller from Keller Williams Realty wrote a book called The ONE Thing. If you’ve never read it, go out and buy it because it talks about how he was coaching entrepreneurs and realtors in their business. He gives them a list of homework to do every week or every night. They’d meet every week and come back. He asks them how many people got the things done, “We didn’t get any of it done.” They kept driving him bonkers. He narrowed it down from ten things to five things. Finally, none of them will get it done until he gave them just one thing to do. That’s what got done. That one thing got done because people weren’t overthinking it. They went out and did it, go ahead and got it done. Unfortunately, a lot of us like to add on to-do lists of crap. We try to do all this other stuff versus the big rocks in our business, the big rocks that we need to do to help us grow or help us get out the door, get out of her own way, get out of her own mind and start seeing growth take place.
Those big rocks are scary. When we’re scared of doing something, we feel overwhelmed and then we go and distract ourselves with all the other thousand little to-do items that we could add because then that makes us feel like, “At least I’m keeping busy.” You might be busy but you’re completely and highly unproductive. Why would you do ten other things that are not going to get you the results that you desire versus this one actionable step that is going to get you everything that you desire?
Do you think a lot of our fears of failure come from our parents or come from our family in how we’re raised?
Definitely. All the stories that we carry, the programming, it stems from how we were raised, our upbringing. This can come from our parents, our siblings, our loved ones, teachers, what we’re taught by society, what we’ve read in the papers and the magazines, all of that. Our minds are interesting things. Our subconscious mind is always picking stuff up. Then once we pick that up, we’re seeking evidence to always prove that right. Just like an iPhone, we have these iOS updates and our phone prompts us. Our phone says, “It’s time for an iOS update.” Human beings aren’t built would that prompt. We go on our entire lives running this iOS system from the ’70s, ’60s, ’80s. This crap is no longer valid. We are now into the era of smartphones. You have to consciously update your iOS by being aware of all the ways in which you’re holding yourself back and all the stories that you’re telling yourself and all the fears. Owning it and then doing what I call CPR, being courageous enough to do the thing that you’ve been afraid to do. Be persistent to keep doing it even when it doesn’t work and be resilient enough to get back up when it fails.
Courageous, persistent and resilient.
That’s my CPR Method. I do have a free training on that on my website. If you want to grab that, you can.
I forgot you mentioned that at the New Media Summit. It’s one of the notes that I wrote down, “It’s a valuable aspect of things. We all have to configure ourselves.” We need to find good people around us to do CPR on us and to help us with that, coaches, family, friends, mentors.
We don’t always see are our blind spots. If you’re looking for support in that way, understand that you have to be willing to receive the support. This is ownership. If someone points out a blind spot, you have to be willing to look at it and say, “Yes, I’m going to own this.”
You have to be willing to say, “I’m goofy in the head. Here’s what I need to do and move forward with it.”
Do something about it. We all have the power to change, so why not?
We have the decision to make a change for ourselves. I’ve got to figure that out because that’s a great nugget there. A lot of people were out there running around like crazy. One of the biggest things that can help entrepreneurs is to be able to laugh at themselves and not take themselves so seriously. Although a lot of people are way too serious about themselves when they realize, “It’s life. You’re going to screw up.” Some of our best ideas, some of our best action plans have come out of the failure of another event or another thing we try. That’s the biggest thing. I’m not afraid to try something on a daily or weekly basis knowing that it’s probably going to lead to something else and go from there. I know you’re the same way too.
If you want to get from where you are to where you want to be, at some point you’re going to have to face your shit. You get to decide, is that today? Is that tomorrow?
The sooner you start taking an action, the sooner you’ll get to your goal. Let’s face it, nobody ever sat in their deathbed glad that they didn’t take chances. Everybody always has great regrets of stuff that they did not do. I’ll give an example. I talked to a person who’s been going through cancer. He didn’t even get to a chunk of what he did. I got another person that I talked to as well as going through being sick. He’s like, “I don’t know if I’m going to make it the end of the year.” I’m like, “What can we do to help you?” He goes, “There’s so much I want to accomplish and I let my own BS get in the way of not taking the opportunity.” You don’t want to be there. On a positive note, you work with so many different types of entrepreneurs. Why don’t you talk a little about some of the things that you’re doing, some of the coaching that you’re doing for entrepreneurs and how people can best get a hold of you to get a little bit of LovePunch?
I’m on all the social media platforms so feel free to reach out. I’m highly engaged. You can find me on IG, Twitter, Facebook, @IAmRuby. I offer a one-on-one coaching. This is the highest offer that I have. It’s for those who are highly committed to get done quickly. I also have a digital training, which is effective for those who are quick starters and just need the support to get your message to the masses. That digital training is called Unleashed and Unapologetic. Finally the third option, which is my favorite thing to talk about is Amplified Soul Live, which is my three-day event that I love hosting and running. It’s coming up in February in Los Angeles. This is the only event that is geared to help people step into thought leadership. If you’re looking to become a recognized and sought-after thought leader in your industry, this is the place to be.
When is that?
February 22nd to the 24th in Los Angeles. The info for that is on my website, www.RubyFremon.com/ASL.
You and I were visiting at New Media Summit. We were on a lot of different panels, run a lot of great people and given a lot of advice to people that were starting off. That’s why I wrote down CPR because I thought that’s amazing, we get to share that. There are so many people as they get to the end of the year, it’s a big thing. We all know the holidays is a great time of year but also, it brings out the opposite. People get depressed around the holidays. They haven’t accomplished what they wanted to. They deal with friends or people that look down at the holidays., “What’s going on with that thing you’re doing? When are you going to get a real job?” That’s what my mom used to say for like four Christmases., “When are you going to get a real job, Scott Carson?” I’m like, “Mom, you don’t even want to know what I make because I make what you make in a year in a day.” Many people struggle with stuff like that. If I could shout it from the rooftops, that’s why we got Ruby here, it’s to take action. Start doing little things. If you want a good kick in the butt, check out Ruby’s event, February 22nd to the 24th, www.RubyFremon.com. Check it out there.
For those who want a quick punch in the gut to get something done and also a taste for how I work, just go and get my free training. It’s good. It’s How to Conquer Your Bullshit with CPR. That’s at www.RubyFremon.com/CPR. No excuses.
You are also the host of the podcast, LovePunch. Do you want to talk a little about that?
LovePunch is soon to be rebirth as Today’s Thought Leader podcast. This is a podcast for those who are seeking to become recognized thought leaders. I feature thought leaders as well as feature experts in different industries whose work would benefit thought leaders. If you’re someone who is seeking to amplify your impact and bring your message to the masses and show up in a bigger and bolder way, this is a great podcast for you, especially if you’re down with the F-bombs because those are dropped every single episode.
Ruby, I want to say thank you so much for joining us here. There are lots of great nuggets. Check out her events. Take the opportunity. Ruby’s got a great big heart, but she’s only coming from a place of love and helping people out, trying to help them overcome their obstacles. Trust me, you can’t go wrong with that. If you need a little bit different hand than me, here’s the person that you need to reach out to because I guarantee she’ll do a great job for you. Just tell it like it is. That’s what we all want. We don’t want to be bullshit. We don’t want to be lied to. Just tell it to me straight to the gut.
Thank you so much, Scott. It’s crazy because we’ve only known each other for months and we’re besties in the making. I so appreciate you and what you do and you inspire me with your presence and what you bring to the table, so thank you.
What’s so great about the event with the New Media Summit is that there were so many great people there. Many of the icons are just amazing people, big hearts, wanting to share out. That’s when we did an international podcast. It was a blast for me getting to hang out and spend a little more time with 30 plus other podcasters out there that have a passion for what they’re doing. They’re sharing their message and making America great one podcast episode at a time. Thanks so much again, Ruby.
Definitely, she’s somebody you want to take if you need to resuscitate your drive or get there, put a little CPR on your entrepreneurship to get things rock and rolling. That way, you can get kick butt. Go do some things. We’ll see you all at the top.
- Ruby Fremon
- Think and Grow Rich
- Three Feet from Gold
- The ONE Thing
- CPR Method
- Ruby Fremon on IG
- Ruby Fremon on Twitter
- @IAmRuby on Facebook
- Unleashed and Unapologetic
- Amplified Soul Live
About Ruby Fremon
Ruby is the coach for the new generation of thought leaders. As a Top Breakthrough Coach for purpose-driven leaders who are ready to bring their big missions into the spotlight, her no-bullshit approach ignites true transformation, while flipping fear into actualized ambition and doubt into absolute confidence.
Ruby works with leaders, from artists to entrepreneurs, who are ready to rise above their limitations and amplify their message. Coaching 100+ clients, she’s a catalyst for change and is hugely successful at helping her clients embody radical resiliency and an unstoppable mentality.
Named “An Inspirational Woman” by The Huffington Post, founder of the Self-Love Tribe®, and creator of the three-day change catalyst bootcamp Amplified Soul Live, Ruby’s bold, no-nonsense approach helps leaders rise up to fulfill their missions and make their voices heard.