EP 520 – The Charisma Quotient: Making A Good First Impression With Kimberly Seltzer

NCS 520 | Making Good First Impression

NCS 520 | Making Good First Impression

 

Would you believe that your outfit and attitude impact how others judge you, especially in the business world? In this episode, Scott Carson sits down with dating and image expert and psychologist, Kimberly Seltzer to discuss some of the biggest mistakes entrepreneurs and people make when starting a new business or making a good first impression. By absorbing what Kimberly has to say, you will be able to raise your style intelligence and master her Charisma Quotient. Learn how to make memorable and striking first impressions as she gives you some tips on what to look or wear to impact people the right way.

Listen to the podcast here:

The Charisma Quotient: Making A Good First Impression With Kimberly Seltzer

I’m extremely excited for our guest on this episode. I met her in San Diego at the New Media Summit. This lady is a fireball of energy and power. She’s got great and amazing tips. She’s doing some amazing things all across the country. The minute I met her and we get to talk and listen to some episodes on her own podcast, I was like, “We’ve got to have her on here to help our members and family across the country and Note Nation out there.” This lady’s bio is rockstar. Kim Seltzer has a vast knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style and confidence coach, dating coach and matchmaker.

She’s helped thousands of people find lasting love and connection, attracts access and build valuable relationships using her unique confidence makeover process. Using an outside in-approach, Kim has change lives by changing their style, emotional and social intelligence using her signature formula, The Charisma Quotient. Working on body language, first impressions, image, messaging and how it impacts attraction. All of us as real estate investors or entrepreneurs struggle with it from time to time. This LA-based expert travels the country helping people discover confidence, charisma and connection as a speaker at National Matchmaking Conferences, eHarmony, Neutrogena, The Guild at Universal and iDate.

Kim is also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and DigitalRomance.com with appearances in Cosmopolitan, Oprah Magazine, Redbook, Reader’s Digest, AskMen, Fox News magazine, Yahoo Shine and the Washington Examiner among a myriad of other publications. You can also find her as a leading love expert on the traveling live dating show, The Great Love Debate, and the cable reality dating show, The Romance. You can also listen to her on her podcast, The Charisma Quotient. She’s associated with The Flirt Academy workshops nationwide. Kim, how’s it going?

To me, what got me into doing what I do is my own transformation, my own story and how I connected with people. That’s how I built my business. The rest of what you said is fallout from that, but it’s about that connection that we have with people that’s so crucial. I’m super excited to be here.

One of the things that I deal with on a regular basis, especially being in this business for several years, is we get a lot of people that start doing real estate investing on the side. Started it as like a side hustle with the idea, but they eventually want to do this full-time or hoping it leads to a full-time career or leads to other things that they can do with their side hustle. The thing that makes me crazy is whether it’s the first impression or it’s meeting new people, it’s all sales and marketing. We’re all in the marketing or the media business, whether it’s Facebook or social media or on YouTube out in the public of trying to attract clients or attract people that we’ve been working with. I see people bombing because they don’t know what to do. They show up something disheveled and I’m like, “That doesn’t look professional. If somebody had to date you, I can see why you’re a 40-year-old single guy or a 50-year-old single guy.” What are some of the things that you see that are maybe your biggest pet peeves that are an easy fix for people getting started on something new?

What you said is so true. Research shows that it takes only seven seconds to make a first impression. That’s all you’ve got. It’s probably Bumble and Tinder and now our brains are trying to chat up. Even in real life, that happens. This is research and not just me talking. In the brain, we make judgments and assumptions in that first impression based on two things. The first is what you’re wearing. The second is the attitude that you have. That includes body language, your presentation, your mood, what’s written on your face. What’s so profound about the first impression is that people are making good assumptions based on that, which is nonverbal and 93% of communication is nonverbal.

Here’s the crazy thing. You may be learning all these great things about sales. You know everything about closing a house and all these things, and you’re building a website. That’s all great. If someone doesn’t like you or someone doesn’t trust you and you don’t connect with that person, they’re not going to buy from you. What I love about creating a great first impression is it knocks down barriers so that people know you, trust you, connect you, like you and approach you. It’s that approachability factor, likeability factor that will make people want to do business with you. Why wouldn’t you do things like maybe change the shirt that you’re wearing or take the oversized pants that you have and get them a little slimmer so that you look a little more professional? This is what excites me because not too many things in life where you get that instant result. I’m a therapist as well obviously. I do a lot of internal work and that takes time. This is the stuff that is instant pack that will make a difference, not only how people perceive you but how you see yourself so your confidence is perceived differently.

You talked about taking an inside-out approach. What are some of the things that you talked with your clients about or dig deep into them to help you do a better job at helping them overcome all that negative Nancy talk we give to ourselves, “I’m not good enough? I’m not smart enough. I don’t look good.” So much in society is about keeping up with the Joneses or what’s in the magazine. I’ll check out and be like, “I’ll never going to be a size four or a size zero.”

If you think that, you never will. That’s the power of the brain. Before I lived in Chicago, I lived this traditional life and I practice as a therapist. When I did, my whole philosophy was working from the inside out. I felt like, “You’ve got to do the inside work, dig deep, analyze and get this stuff underway before you can make a difference in terms of your interactions, breaking patterns with your confidence.” I don’t believe that anymore. I’m going to flip the switch. I now work from the outside in. You asked about my process.

I start with what I call raising your style intelligence because it goes along with emotional intelligence and social intelligence, which is the other magic ingredients within my Charisma Quotient. This is my formula. When I start with peoples’ style, vis-a-vis their wardrobe and their body language, it makes a huge difference in the way they feel and move. In the business world, if they’re in a networking event or whatnot and maybe they’re having that negative talk like you’re saying, “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough.” If you’re wearing something that reads, “Smart enough,” that reads. “Your money,” that reads, “I can trust you,” people will react to that way. What happens to your confidence is it soars. There is a symbiotic relationship between the outer and the inner.

I can’t work with one without the other. I like to start there because it’s that instant result. I move inward where then I help probably in a more traditional sense help with people’s limiting beliefs, help them with their emotional intelligence expressing themselves. In sales, this is crucial. A lot of people get caught up in discussing facts with customers or clients. They want to know, “How much? What does this mean for my family and that’s important?” If you’re not getting at the emotion of the client and you’re not connecting with them emotionally, they’re not going to feel you. That’s my process.

You hit on a couple of points there. You want to hit that emotional aspect versus rattling off stats because people do buy in emotions and that’s the thing. You said something about if they’re feeling confident and their energy’s up there, more people are likely to like them because their energy is good. Nobody wants to be around at Debbie Downer, “I would do all my business with that person.”

You and I would not have connected had we didn’t have that cute little funny exchange over the coffee. That connected us. It wasn’t even what your show was about or what mine is. All we knew is that, “We need to do an exchange because we like each other.” You and I were a perfect example of how relationships can happen. Who knows from here the businesses and collaboration we can create together?

It’s coming up and that’s part of it, be yourself, “How’s it going?” Maybe in some cases don’t be yourself coming up. Let’s find a solution. It was very simple. That’s the thing, “I’m on a coffee, I don’t like to drink it black.” I’m like, “Let’s figure something out and be creative on it.” That’s often a very big thing. Instead of being the same old, sometimes there are little things in business and life can go a long way to helping you build relationships and go from there.

NCS 520 | Making Good First Impression

Making Good First Impression: We make judgements and assumptions based on a person’s attitude and what he or she is wearing.

 

A lot of times people see me either as a dating expert or they’re like, “You’re a business expert.” It’s one and the same to me because what works on a date works in networking and connecting with people. To your point, what you’re alluding to and what I’m talking about is that authenticity. It’s that vulnerability that is part of how we express ourselves. I can’t tell you many times and I’ve been the recipient of it. I’m sure you have too, where you’re trying to make a sale and you move right into the sale without building rapport. It feels almost icky. It’s like, “Who are you and can I even trust you?” I always tell people as I’d rather spend 80% of the time chitchatting and getting to know somebody.

Once you feel that connection, that pulls towards one another is when you are able to talk business. The sale is so much easier too because you already have that rapport built. How this relates to the makeover process and the confidence is that once you’re dressing the part, I move into that confidence builder so that you’re able to talk to people even if those conversations are going on in your head. Those limiting beliefs will go away once you have positive results from people. Raising your social intelligence is teaching you those fundamental social skills so that the conversations sustain. I see in conversations there are three phases. The first is initiation. The second is sustainment or engagement and the third is the follow-up. There was some connection where you want to continue with that person. Everybody can do this. Think to yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, which phase is hardest for you and which is the easiest? The one that’s most challenging is where you probably want to spend more time cultivating and working so that you get to that end result. You get to that connection.

I would say listening, especially being a part of that second step. Truly listening to what that interaction is going on. People will tell you what they’re going through. People are listening and they’ll tell you if they’re having a good day, a bad day or give you a hot button that you can use to listen and connect on an emotional scale to drive into a future conversation, like, “It was great meeting you. I remember you talking about your son going through this. I’ve got a similar situation. Here something that you can help out with that.” That goes a long way. It’s like, “He or she was listening.” I want to do with somebody who listens to what I’m talking about. I want to date somebody who’s listening to me. “You’re such a good listener.”

Especially women, we love it when men listen. I go out in the field. I do phone coaching, all of us. I will go out with you and help you network or help you date and I see you in action. There’s no hiding behind the phone and working with your body language and interactions. That social engagement formula, that steps are listening, but also sharing stuff about you so that you connect in a story. That’s important because that’s part of that rapport building.

Being in the lead actor in your own stories is always a good thing versus being a wallflower or an extra on the side.

The protagonist is always the most powerful. Here’s the beauty of using the metaphor of stories. If you don’t like the way that your story is and if you’re having those negative thoughts. I always tell people, in order to change the ending to your story, you have to go back to the beginning. This is the first impression of stuff. Something happened in that first impression stage that set a precedent or a pattern for the rest of the engagement, the relationship or the conversation. That’s where you got to rewind and say, “What can I do to rewrite that script? Maybe I walked into the room with drabby clothes and looking down and having the RBF.” This is totally real. I’ll walk into a business networking event or a bar if we’re doing dating and stuff and people have frowns on their faces. They’re looking down on their phones and that’s not going to help you. If that’s where things started and along the way, you had to work hard to get that rapport or that relationship or that sale, it shouldn’t be that hard. That means you didn’t do enough rapport building in the beginning.

That’s an important thing because I always joke and Steph gives me a hard time because I can tell when she’s deep in thought. Reading facial thing is an important thing, “What’s going on? I can tell. You can’t hide from me.” Listening to the spaces or walking into a meeting, if you’re having a rough day, maybe taking a second. Leave the bad stuff at the door as you walk in and make the most of it. We all let our business, our personal lives. They’re one in the same and crossover a little bit and what’s going on in our personal life, good or bad does affect what’s going on in our business life and people can see it and sense it from a mile away.

In the dating world, I help people develop a date prep plan to that point so that they’re able to shake off that day, whatever it was stressful or maybe they’re in that business model. They’re in their left brain and very analytical, dry and factual and get them more into their silly, more in their play, more in their fun and more in their sexy. All of those skills that I’m talking about are good for sales. Being charismatic, being sexy and having fun will make us the sale every single time. I can go on and on about the research about being charismatic and that’s the name of my show is to learn. Because a lot of times people are like, “I’m not charismatic so I’m doomed.” It’s like, “No, you never learned it. It’s a language.” I see it time and time again helping people break out of their shell so that they feel confident and they become more charismatic when that confidence opens up.

I can teach you that or I can go out and be your chaperone, your date when you’re not doing that. What flashes in my mind is the whole Ryan Gosling character in the movie with Steve Carell. It’s like, “Let’s go get you dressed up. Let’s work on your confidence a little bit there. Let’s help you get better at what you’re doing.” He got better not only in his dating life but also got better at his business and other things going on too. It’s Crazy Stupid Love.

That is a great movie. Sometimes people call me Hitchset because it’s like Hitch. Did you see Hitch?

Yes, with Will Smith and Kevin James. It’s a funny and hilarious movie, but without the Dramamine.

I definitely dress a little different. I have long hair. I have a cute story around one of the women that I worked with who hired me. She was both single and she wanted help with business networking. I’m like, “That’s perfect. It’s one and the same.” She was up in the Bay Area. I’m down here in Los Angeles. It’s people all over the world, so it doesn’t matter where you are. I flew up there and what was funny is that when I was on the phone with her, she was serious. She was so staccato. I’m always looking for ways to crack people up or see their human side and she was not having it. She was like, “You’ll come here at such and such time. Here’s my credit card.” It was all transactional. I’m like, “We’ve got some work to do.” I go up there and I’m wearing a red dress. I’m ready to party. I’m ready to have fun and create some magic. She’s wearing this drabby-tight clothes.

She was stiff both in her clothes and her body language and in her whole attitude. When I showed up, I’m giving her this big hug. When I was hugging her, she was standing up. I said to her, “I’m going to help you, but we have got to change your clothes. We can’t go out like this.” She’s like, “What’s wrong with my clothes?” We did a little makeover moment I had her take her hair down. I had her go home, change into a dress so that she had more of that the clothes. We wear costumes because it can put you in a certain state of mind. You can embody that energy. We went at it and we went to three different networking events.

What was so fun about it is that she got asked out and she wasn’t even trying, but because of the whole attitude. She said that never happens. That she thought I planted that guy. I’m like, “I don’t know that many people to plant.” This is what happens when you start creating that energy. She met the CEO of one of the networking events. I taught her how to navigate a large group. It made such a huge difference in her confidence and she soared from there. She ended up doing some TED Talks after that and she came into her own. It’s a beautiful thing to see people get out of their own way and unstuck.

NCS 520 | Making Good First Impression

Making Good First Impression: Raising your social intelligence is learning fundamental social skills so that you can sustain conversations.

 

I’ll give you an example of something I cracked. I was in Washington, DC and I got in the subway roughly through rush hour and everybody’s headed home. I’m sitting there and I’m a goofy, “What’s going on?” I’m walking in people like, “You’re from Texas. People from Texas are too friendly.” I get on and everybody’s got RBF. They’re on their phones. They look horrible. They’ve got scowls on their faces. I’m like “No wonder you guys are miserable. What are you so happy about?” They’re like, “I’m having fun. I’m in DC. I have a good time with my friend.” I was like, “I don’t want to move to DC because it looks like it’s an unfriendly spot.” That says a lot for a lot of people you think about. Someone coming from Capitol Hill. I was asking these people, “We work on the Hill.” I was like, “No wonder you’re in a bad mood. Mud throwing at you every day.” Is that what you see? There are probably little things they can do. Change up, get out of the stiff dresses or stiff uniform, add some color, always seeing you wearing something, every time I’m seeing you, you’re wearing something colorful. I’ve seen your color or a shade of shirt a couple of different times. It’s not the same shirt, but it’s probably one of your favorite colors that magenta color.

I did this on purpose as a demo. There’s a lot of psychology in color. I’ve done a lot of research that there are certain colors associated with different things. A deep red and a bright red when it comes to business can connotate power. A lot of times if you’re trying to do a sale, red is a way of closing a deal. It sounds so silly, but a lot of people close in red. When it comes to dating, men are attracted to red. It’s a scientific study that was done. A man will click on a woman in a red dress, a redshirt every single time over any other color, pink too. It does also make you stand out. It also brings more attention to you. A lot of times, this is where more of the inside work.

I often use color as ways to practice being seen because that’s where you have to be comfortable. If you are wearing a loud color, it takes confidence to wear. A lot of people are like, “I could never wear that color yet.” When they do, they get such a huge response. Once they get that response, they’re like, “I’m not used to this. Now what?” That’s more the deeper work that I would do, but I love starting there and getting people used to color. I call it a marination process. Sometimes you’ve got to do it over and over again until you start feeling comfortable with it.

Also, another trick is having something that’s your signature piece or as a signature style. I often will wear red or pink because I talk about my own story where I had a red dress moment. It almost associates with the message and my story. People remember me with red. I often wear blue where it connotates authority. There are a lot of nuances to color, to signature pieces. Scott, I noticed you always have your paraphernalia on and that’s your thing. People recognize that.

Everybody knows that greens are my favorite color. That’s why I wore the bright green vests the day at the New Media Summit. I always like the green somewhere. I like my logo but I love green. It’s my favorite color, whether it’s the hats I’m wearing or something. If it’s got green in it, that perks me up. It gets me excited. Literally, my office, all the walls are painted with the bright green of my logo because I get power from it. It rejuvenates me. I liked what you were saying about blue and red being an authority and power. The simplest thing I think about is when I see politicians, especially on TV. You see a red tie or a blue tie when they’re out campaigning. A lot of times they wear red when they’re looking to be powerful and closing. For those who are golf fans, Tiger Woods still wears a red shirt on Sunday on his final rounds all the time. It was always a red polo of some sort on closing day, especially when he use the running on the final round of the major championship of any golf tournament. I always knew that was a powerful aspect of Tiger coming in and being dominant and closing things out with things. A couple of things that people might be overlooked when they’re watching TV or checking things out there, but that’s something that we can very easily apply and do what we’re doing.

That’s a good observation about the politicians. I read a study and this is fascinating too, more around, because I do a lot of speaking. I was trying to understand how the image relates to speaking or walking into a room when you’re trying to do business. They found that people are noticing what you’re wearing and how you’re moving through the room before you even say anything. I can see some eyes rolling being like, “This is so superficial. I can’t believe I have to worry about this. If people don’t like me, forget them. I don’t want to do business.” If you can think of it in an opposite way, I invite you to think of it as a positive thing where if you could tweak a few things in the way that your clothes are, your body movements, all of that stuff that could have a huge impact on your sales and the way that people relate to you and also attracting a partner perhaps. Why wouldn’t you do it?

I’ll use a website as a business metaphor. We’re marketing ourselves all the time. When you go to two websites, let’s say you have an old website and a new website, same content but one has been updated and it looks pretty with nice colors. It looks very professional. The other one is still old, antiquated, slow. Which one are you going to trust? Which one are you going to go with? Most people are going to go with the new one. Why? We trust it more. We think that one’s more professional. It’s the same content. It’s not changing who you are. It’s marketing yourself in a way so that people get to know who you are.

I could not agree with them more because that’s the same thing. The first impressions are like, “It’s old. They must not be in business. It’s antiquated or new and shiny.” I’ve been in Orlando and you’d go around and you see all the flowers. That’s nature doing it itself with the pretty flowers to attract the bees to get honey. We could go any type of deep dark holes on that analogy. Do you think about who would you rather do business with, Friday from the Addams Family or Reese Witherspoon’s character from Legally Blonde?

It depends on the business, that’s first and foremost.

Who is more approachable right off the bat? That’s a big thing. Whose energy is coming out? People want to be surrounded by energy. It’s the first impression, but it leads to people wanting to do business. That’s a thing that I see so often when I go out networking, I see people that are drab. Threw on a t-shirt fast before they went out. They’re not being focused about it. They’ve worked for somebody else in a career and nobody’s taking the time because they’re an underling. They’re not the man in charge. That’s the thing. When I’m talking with investors or students, I’m like, “You guys and girls are marketing. You’re putting yourself out there.”

For those that are reading this, these tips that Kim are giving are phenomenal that you need to start taking and making it a part of your daily actions and daily thoughts before you start doing some stuff. Nobody likes working at a job, especially if it’s something you don’t enjoy. If you’re going to do a side hustle and you’re going out and networking and going to an expo or going out, take the extra time to add a signature piece or something that gives you power or put on color blue, red that can drive some stuff home. I guarantee you’ll probably see some difference. If you start smiling, you become much more approachable.

It’s a good summary of what we’re talking about. If you could do one thing that would make a difference between whether somebody does business with you and someone else, you can think of it as, “This is another thing.” If you make it part of your daily routine as part of your business plan, as part of what you need to cultivate, as part of growing your business, why wouldn’t you? The other thing to think about is thinking about what money you’re trying to attract. What you wear and how you show up, you’re demanding a certain amount of optimal pay based on how you present. If you’re trying to flip a house or sell something that’s high-end and you look like crap, people are not going to trust you.

They’re going to be like, “I’m going to pay this much money to you?” You have to start thinking about that. If you want to attract those higher ticket items, think of yourself too as what you value in yourself. You’ll spend more to wear something that’s dressier or that looks like more money so that people can trust you. A lot of times, this is me as a therapist, we place money and our self-worth are very tied in together. I learned this the hard way. I started out as this therapist. I never dreamed I would do what I’m doing and own my own business. I had to work hard. Wearing these mommy clothes and I thought I was looking spiffy by getting a new rider jacket. When I showed up to train with the top image consultant here in LA, she looked at me up and down and she said to me, I’ll never forget this, “Do you think people are going to pay you $10,000 looking like that? You look like a tired mom.” I remember my eyes welding with tears and like, “I can’t do this. I’m not good enough,” and all those conversations. She was absolutely right. I didn’t think of myself as a $10,000 closer so therefore, I would never be. I had to dress the part until I became. You know the saying act as if until you become and they can help you get there.

NCS 520 | Making Good First Impression

Making Good First Impression: What you wear and how you show up can demand a certain amount of optimal pay.

 

It takes a special purpose to be able to accept that. It also takes a special person to be able to give that to. Stephanie and I when we’re out and there would be a group of people together like, “Those people are not that person’s friend because a friend would not let that person wear that out.” What is that person wearing? Those people are not their friends because otherwise they would’ve said something like in Texas, bless their heart, “Let’s get you to put something else on or let’s get you to do something a little bit different here.” A lot of people get so caught up in the idea of diets and body size. Some people are bigger than others, some people will always be smaller and be big. The media out there, magazines that always portray people being small. If you’re a big person, I’ve always been a big guy, big football ex linebacker. I’m not going to be a size six at all. That’s not what I’m going to do. There are things you can wear, things you can do though to fit your body style and your body size to help you stand out and still be able to be closer.

That was such a good lead-in, Scott. This is why you do what you do. I would say about 90% of my clients, whether they’re coming to me for business or for dating, they’ve had some fluctuation in weight. They’re not happy with their body or they lost weight and they can’t see their new body. What’s so beautiful about teaching people about their body type and what clothes flatter their body type is it can make a huge difference in the way they see themselves. Often people are wearing things too big, I would say that’s probably the biggest mistake I see people make. It’s because they’re not seeing themselves. There’s almost this body dysmorphia that happens in the mirror.

What I do often is to have people take pictures of themselves and upload those and send them to me. I do these virtual makeovers, which are super fun and powerful. In an hour, I go over your body type, your colors. I pick out outfits for you. When I go over people’s pictures, everybody says, “I didn’t know until I took these pictures of myself how bad I look in these clothes.” It’s a good intervention. What’s awesome is that teaching people about their bodies that, “You’ve got to stay away from that color.” It makes a big difference. I get on people all the time, no patterns and no polka dots, especially when it comes to camera work or if you’re doing podcasting. It widens you in the camera, who are out there trying to attract a mate. Most guys don’t like patterns if you’re a woman. It’s something that I figured out and I’m trying to teach women this.

Being in Disneyland, walking around and seeing people, I was like, “People are wearing a lot of polka dots.” A lot of people are wearing way too big shirts or way stuff that doesn’t fit properly. You’re like, “I know you can’t be happy.” You see somebody who is a bigger person. They’re put together like, “They got some confidence. They’re working on stuff.” Everybody’s got their own ax to grind with themselves in some fashion. Everyone going through their own thing. I love the fact in every listing there. You read what she said, virtual makeovers. Kim will talk more about that. How in an hour can help people tell you, what to avoid, what to wear, what not to buy and or what you should be looking for doing? The big point there for anybody out there reading in Note Nation out there that Kim can help you out with that. It’s a great way to get the ball rolling on your next start or your fresh start or fresh makeover to change your energy and your focus if you’re doing something new or struggling in what you’re doing.

If you’re not ready to do something like this, I have a free body type guide for men and women. I didn’t leave the guys out because I know guys secretly want to know more about fashion. They don’t sit there and talk about it on a Sunday afternoon over football.

It’s like, “That jersey looks good on you. Thank you.” A football jersey is not appropriate attire 95% of the time.

If you’re dating, please do not wear a football jersey. It’s fun to even the guy, I’m happy to provide them. You can almost have a cheat sheet when you go shopping and then if it’s still hard, the virtual make-over is a great blueprint.

What’s the best way for people to tap into that, Kim?

If you download it, you’ll see the way to get to my virtual make-over or contact me. You can go to my site, SeltzerStyle.com. It’s probably the easiest way to get ahold of me if you ever want to chat about anything.

You’ve had your podcasts going. What’s been some big surprises from your podcast?

It’s been so wonderful. It’s such a journey. This goes back to the whole confidence thing that we were talking about. I started podcasting going on other people’s shows and every time I would go on a show, I would get all this feedback like, “Kim, you should have your own show.” I’m like, “Yeah, I should.” Those shoulds are what paralyze you. It wasn’t until I put myself into action where I got some guidance on how to do it is when everything started changing. For me, what’s been so amazing is having the confidence to start my show. It’s been a few years. I celebrated my 100th episode. I’m like, “How did I get here?” It’s doing well. For me, this is the biggest compliment of it all. When I hop on calls with people because I give them breakthrough calls where had some guidance, this probably happens to you too. They’re like, “I can’t believe you’re saying my name.” I’m like, “I’m just a person.” It’s weirder for us, you and I, Scott, because we’re talking. We have no idea who’s out there. I love talking to podcast listeners and also the benefits that people are having listening to the show and that I’m able to reach and help so many people.

That’s the most overjoyed thing is when people reach out and they’re like, “You answered your phone. I’m talking to you and you’ve been in my ears for weeks.” That’s the thing that I always crack up about. I’m like, “You’re calling me when I know you listened to this episode. Why are you calling to ask the same question? I know I answered already for it, but let’s go back through it.” Sometimes you’ve got to hear it two or three times for it to sink in, but that’s okay. That’s the beauty of it. We’re in media and so many things that you talked about are relevant in so many things versus you said dating or business, in your marketing, your website. Even in your flyers, you’re talking to people about taking a little bit extra to put that stuff together. It goes such a long way out there. It’s not a body makeover for dating, but life is a date.

Life is a date. I even said that I think in New Media Summit. My favorite podcasts are what we’re doing. I want to feel like I’m on a date with you. That is what connects us all. It goes back to the rapport in life. A word that comes to my mind is your personal brand. Being mindful of who you are in the world, how you’re marketing yourself, your dating life and your business life.

That’s a great way to end this episode. First of all, the podcast is The Charisma Quotient podcast. If you want to go out and listen to that, it has such great stuff. I’ve been binging some of the episodes and absolutely crack it up and having a great time. It has such great advice on there. What’s the best way for people to reach out to you?

It’s SeltzerStyle.com. You can find me all over social media, Facebook, Kimberly Seltzer and Twitter @SeltzerKimberly. You know where to find me. Scott, this has been so great. I want to give a huge thank you to you and gratitude for having me come on here and sharing all this with your audience. It’s super fun.

I’m glad to help out. Many people in real estate get so bogged down on the nuts and bolts of doing real estate that, “How do you go find a deal? What are you fixing on the property?” Most people don’t realize they need to rehab themselves before they start looking to rehab their business. Once again, take Kim up on her advice. Check her out there, go listen. Check out the website. She is a better person to help you out there to get things rocking and rolling. If you’re in a struggle point, we’re all at struggle points at some point, ups and downs, sometimes having a mini-makeover can give you the energy, the rejuvenation to go out there, take action. If you do that, I guarantee we will see you all at the top. Kim, thank you so much for being a part of the show. I look forward to hanging with you in the future.

Thanks so much, Scott.

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About Kimberly Seltzer

NCS 520 | Making Good First ImpressionWith a vat of knowledge and experience as a therapist, certified style & confidence coach, dating coach, and matchmaker, Kim Seltzer has helped thousands of people find lasting love and connection, attract success and build valuable relationships using her unique “confidence makeover” process. Using an outside-in approach, Kim has changed lives by changing their style, emotional and social intelligence using her signature formula, “The Charisma Quotient,” working on body language, first impressions, image and messaging and how it impacts attraction.

This Los Angeles-based expert travels the country helping people discover confidence, charisma and connection as a speaker at National Matchmaking Conferences, eHarmony, Neutrogena, The Guild at Universal and iDate. Kim is also a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and DigitalRomance.com, with appearances in Cosmopolitan, Oprah Magazine, Redbook, Reader’s Digest, AskMen, Fox News Magazine, Yahoo Shine and the Washington Examiner, among a myriad of other publications.

You can also find Kim as the leading love expert on the traveling live dating show The Great Love Debate, and the cable reality dating show, The Romance. You can also listen to her now on her podcast, The Charisma Quotient. And she currently is hosting The Flirt Academy workshops nationwide.


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