Are you stuck with an unprecedented amount of time in your hands in this chaotic time? Now could be the perfect opportunity to reassess yourself and discover your inner superpower! Life coach Michelle Pierson Young shows us some of the different ways we can do this as she joins Scott Carson on the show. With her 30 years of experience in helping people, Michelle’s perspective on the subject is extraordinary. We may not get an opportunity such as this again. We might as well use it to fix ourselves, discover what is good in us, and use it to help others. Listen in for more.
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Unearthing Your Inner Superpower In A Time Of Chaos With Michelle Pierson Young
Note Nation, thank you as always for reading and subscribing to the show. While you’re at it, go ahead and click on over, leave us a five-star review if you don’t mind. I’m honored to have on this episode our good friend, Michelle Pierson Young, a life coach who works with male and female entrepreneurs all across the country. She’s going to talk about how to discover and use your superpower in a time of chaos. I’ve known her for years. She’s been through several chaotic times in her life and has evolved into this beautiful creature who’s doing a great job of helping others cope with their issues, stress, and everything that’s going on in the world these days. Definitely, you’ll want to read this. If you are going through a tough time, take some notes. If you know somebody who’s going through a tough time, this would be a great episode for them to read. Read, subscribe, and I look forward to seeing you at the top. Thanks.
I know many of you guys are in quarantine land and we could be doing this from a rubber suit with mask and gloves in person. A lot of people are stressed the F out because of a variety of things or either can’t go to work, they’ve been laid off, their companies have shut down temporarily, or they’re suffering from the stress of this whole thing. They’re too busy programming their minds with negativity versus realize what’s going on, realize the situation and make the best of it. I was excited for our guest. She’s a good friend. I’ve known her for years. She is an amazing individual and I wanted to bring her on, hopefully, to share a little bit insight so people can overcome their fears and make some lemonade of the lemons that we’re all dealing with. This lady is awesome. She spent her life learning people, personality types, and entrepreneurialism.
Michelle Pierson Young is our special guest. She’s got a 30-year career running various organizations and working with diverse teams, has informed her teaching and coaching style extensively. Her clients are women as well as men. Her communication bridges the differences between sexes that bring groups and teams to common ground. That’s what a lot of us need. We need to come together wherever we’re at, in the country or in the world and come together in common ground. She’s got experience in collaborative 33-plus years of marriage and forms her work at the core level. She and her husband, Aaron, share four children, her children’s partners, and six sassy grandchildren and also a herd of goats. Welcome to the show for the second time, Michelle.
This is the second time. I’m super excited to be invited back.
We’re excited to have you here. I’m sure you’re dealing with your coaching and talking with the clients, and not only talking them off of ledges a little bit but there’s a lot of scare and fear going on in and out in the country and the world.
I’m super fascinated because I want to hear what you hear too. First of all, it’s hilarious. I got on the phone with one of my clients and I said, “I haven’t talked to you in a couple of weeks. Things are changing.” We thought life was changing at a rapid pace before. Now it’s like, “How are we now because things changed?” I got on a Zoom call with a client and I said, “Tell me how you’re doing.” I got to have that neutral voice. She goes, “I’m doing fine.” I was like, “I know your husband has a disease that makes him susceptible. You’re feeling okay about things.” She goes, “I figured you’ll tell me if I should worry.” I’m like, “This is not a good emergency plan. Thank you for the vote of confidence, but no.” Scott, it’s been an interesting time for everybody but as I talk with people, there’s a lot less fear than I expected especially from my clients. What about you?
We deal with a lot of people like in Austin. We went on lockdown in quarantine. San Antonio and Dallas did the same thing. I’ve got many small business owner friends around the area here from the local Chinese restaurant that they’re stressed out. They can’t afford to pay their rent because it’s been slow. They’re trying to do anything they can to drive business in. I walked into my office fast before the quarantine. The two girls at the front desk were stressed out because the company laid off staff statewide except for them in Austin. They had to let people go because they’re going to be closed down for a month and the company doesn’t want to pay salaries.
This is my entry and you know how I love to talk about this stuff because bad stuff happens sometimes. The most important thing that we can say is bad things happen sometimes. It’s not fair and it’s scary. I’m speaking purely from fact. I remember years ago, I had gone to Guatemala to a place called Antigua, Guatemala. Every day I would walk through alleys, lanes, and places to go to school because I was studying Spanish. This was when I was in my 30s. Most people in their 30s think, “I’ve got four kids. Why don’t I go to Guatemala for two weeks?”
I go there and every day on the way to school, I passed a store full of coffins. One day during the process of that two weeks, there was this tiny coffin. It was the top one. It was all in ascending order. The top one is small like a baby coffin and one day, it was gone. The reality of it struck me and I thought in the American culture we will a lot of times hear people say things like, “I almost died. I never want to get that close to death again.” It makes you giggle because it’s like, “No one’s getting off this ride for free.” That’s the first thing that is important to go, “That stuff happens sometimes and people aren’t okay.”
It’s not okay that bad things happen except for it is because they do. When we can go, “This is a thing that is happening and I don’t like it. It’s not fair.” The Chinese restaurants having to hustle or people have been laid off because they didn’t have seniority for whatever reason. My son is happily working hardcore hours and he’s on staff. He is a beer distributor but the brewery that he does distribution for fired all of the hourly staff. It’s only people that were on salary. He’s happy to be working his tail off, but it’s not fair. Half of their tips are going through to the staff that’s not working at all.
The scary thing is happening and being scared is a thing. In addition to that, it’s important that nobody gets on and goes, “We’re going to be okay. What a great opportunity.” Except for where there is some gently, kindly, and honestly. Whenever something happens, there is an opportunity in it. As difficult as an opportunity as this is, so while people are in the midst of suffering and there is suffering. We have goats, so you can imagine it’s not a one-lot house we live on. We’ve got all this property in and neighbors are far away. As I drove here to my husband’s private office, my son who lives with my husband and us and I are here, so no rules are broken.
There was a woman on the side of the road gathering cans. At the risk of tooting my own horn, I turned my car around. I’d gone about another 0.5 miles. I go, “Do I want to turn around?” I did. She did need help and she’s not okay. We noticed that it happens. For those of us who have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and we’re well, that gets a little bit of a shift because it is difficult for everybody. You and I talked about our circumstances of where we are and changing routines. When I had a client said, “I need to pause.” She let me know and I was happy to work with her.
As difficult as things are there’s always an opportunity in them. The Chinese restaurant can look at it and go, “How do we shave off the fat?” I know it’s happening in my bank accounts. I’ve got more time on my hands so I’m like, “Look at all those subscriptions to random stuff that I don’t use.” I’m spending $20 a month on O Magazine which I’ve never read in the seven years that I’ve had a subscription to it. How about it’s time to save $20 a month. This isn’t stopping my spending but there’s shaving things that aren’t serving us. That’s what this period of time for those of us who were fortunate enough to have the energy to listen to a podcast or record a podcast, whatever it is. There’s a lot of opportunity going on.
Oprah thanks you for your donation for seven years.
She’s like, “Things are tough here. I’m glad that you find quality things in me and if you could keep it coming even if you don’t read it.”
The thing too is you have to give a look at things. Try to do some things differently. We’ve been reaching out to friends that are struggling that are in the service in the industry. We’re not waiting tables and restaurants, but also the dog walkers, the people that are working at the different parks or in tourism. We’ve all got friends and family members there. We’ve all had to take a look at your summer vacation plans and push them out. You said something there. It’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.
It’s straight-up not fair. It’s not fair that I’m relatively comfortable and there are people who are relatively uncomfortable. This is where it gets exciting. It’s a fact. What do we want to do with those facts? When we take all of the emotion out of facts and look at them and say, “I agree with you. This isn’t fair. I wonder.” Scott, those two words are solid gold. People invest in themselves with me all the time. I’m giving my best stuff away for free and I’m giving it now. Those two words, “I wonder,” have so much power and magic in them. I wonder what I can do with this period of time. I wonder I’ve not been enjoying my job.
I wonder what opportunities there are out for me. I have a good friend and I don’t want to give any details because I haven’t been given permission to share who’s looking at some unusual alternatives that are a significant improvement from the job that she lost and was suffering over. It’s not that it’s easy and we’re all like, “What a great time to be alive, team.” It’s putting ourselves in a position where we can get neutral enough to go, “I wonder how I can have a better life coming out of this than the one I had going in.” For a lot of people out there, it’s going to take a lot of work. Do you mind that I’m yammering on because I have more stuff to say? Are you good?
You’re good. People had enough of me on the show, that’s why you’re here.
I kid you not, Scott. My kids and my in-law kids will call me and they’ll be like, “Can I talk to you about something?” I will genuinely ask, “Are you looking for a poor baby? Are you looking for a mom? What can I do? Are you looking for a coach?” I’ve got all three. Most of the time, it’s mom or I want to complain and sometimes it’s a coach. You didn’t call me here so I could be a mom.
Anytime you’re around, you’re the proverbial mom. Always get the bag and let me pull this out. I have to ask her that too. It’s like, “Do you want me to listen? Do you want Scott Carson the entrepreneur? Do you want me to be the boyfriend? What should I ask her before I respond?”
I have to tell you. One day, Aaron Young, for those of you who’ve read of him, he’s been on more than twice. The day he said to me, we sat down at lunch together at a restaurant that’s behind me and he said, “I need you to be my coach right now.” I was like, “Hold on. I don’t mind if I do.” I was excited. What I was going to say is when we’re in scared out of our wits zone, we can only be scared about out of our wits zone, and it’s okay. If anybody wants to do that for a bit, absolutely do that. Whenever you get bored of it or tired of that neutral zone or I wonder zone and anything can happen there. I wonder zone is where we get to look at it and go, “I love my job except for this one thing.” “I love my job but there’s this monster commute going on.” “I loathe my job, but I’ve never known how to make money at what I love doing.” These are all questions that we can ask ourselves. Do you want to know one of my favorite times to ask myself these questions?
It goes to show the different ego states that people have because as I’m getting sleepy, I’m lying in bed, and I like that I don’t fall asleep as soon as I get in bed. I’m getting sleepy and I’m all snuggled up in my favorite utero position lying in bed and I think, “I wonder.” That’s when I start playing with the ideas because when I make myself the Queen of England, I don’t have that critical thinking. It’s like, “That’s not a thing, sweet pea. You don’t have the right pedigree.” Laying there and we get to play with all sorts of things especially writing questions down before bed and then waking in the morning writing down answers, solutions, and ideas. That I wonder piece puts us in a place where we become aware of. This is important, we become aware that there are more options out there. My mentor said to me, “When you can only think of two alternatives. It’s either I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.”
That’s the classic two scenarios. You know that you’re thinking in a script and you’re not thinking about what’s possible. That I wonder thing is the next step for all of us to go, “I wonder how I cannot pay my mortgage for these two months and not having me take it in the shorts.” The second piece is somebody said it and honestly, she had way more street cred than I do. I asked for something and she said, “No, I think it was a server.” She was Latina, she goes, “Close mouth, don’t eat. You had to ask.” She simultaneously turned me down and encouraged me for saying it. We have to ask what is possible. “I can’t pay my car payment this month, I wonder.”
The thing is you have to try to look at different things even though you’re in quarantine, get out of the situation, the script, and get out of your own mind a little bit. Go for a walk. You can still do that. Walk around the neighborhood.
Did you know that there’s something called nature deprivation?
I don’t doubt that. Nature deprivation, I can see that.
It’s a clinical issue. This is full disclosure. I called an old friend, I’ve known him since second grade, so for many years. It was his birthday and I invited him into this meditation practice thing and he said, “I’m going to get back into that.” I was like, “Was that a cluster or what?” He sits back and he goes, “What? You didn’t do it perfectly?” I said, “No, everything went haywire on me. We went to Spain. I was highway robbed.” All of a sudden, it’s 3:00 in the morning and I’m in Spain and I’m like, “Damn it, I have to do the meditation thing again.” He says to me, “You mean you’re admitting that it didn’t go well?” I was like, “I was all over the place. I was a total screaming mess.” It’s important that healthcare providers, coaches, people like yourself that are strong leaders in the community, it’s okay for us to admit, “I lost that a little bit.” It’s a relief for people to go, “You mean you got a little crazy?” It’s like, “I surely did. I straight up got a little weird.”
I’d agree to that. It’s okay to admit that shit is not going right all the time. My thing was Saturday. In the morning, I got up, I’m like, “Let’s see if we can find a chest freezer.” I go in like, “I first buy Best Buy.” They’re like, “You can’t come into the store. You’ve got to order online, and then we’ll get it for you.” I’m like, “It looks it’s sold out. Let’s go to Lowe’s.” The guy’s like, “We’ve only got this one. It’s a floor model but you can’t buy it although the guy yesterday sold a couple of floor models.” I’m like, “Why would you tell me that?” He tells me I can’t have it but somebody else. If I come and talk to some other idiot there, they can do it.
I go to Home Depot and the guy was a smart ass to me like, “I told June, July, what are you thinking?” Steph’s like, “Be nice,” and I’m going to leave before I say something. I’m like, “Let’s get the F out of here.” I came home pissed off and Steph was downstairs. I’m like, “Do I feel like day drinking at noon?” She’s like, “I don’t want to drink with you. I’ve already ordered you a chest freezer. It will be here in four days.” I was like, “Shit, I should have that to begin with.” I got mad. I got irritated. I’m thinking many people are all overblowing it out of proportion. People are sick and dying.
Also, 99.9% of the planet is not. That’s not that we don’t love the 0.1%. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s not that I’m not willing to stay home to protect the 0.1%. Do you want to know what my Achilles heel in this whole thing is? I can’t stand to go to the grocery store because I feel like I’m shopping in the Hunger Games. There are these squinty eyes. My daughter was home with sick children. She’s a single mom. I went to Costco, I needed to get stuff for my household and for her household and they straight up would not let me. I understood. I didn’t get mad at them because they’re like, “It’s policy, Ma’am.”
I’m like, “Not even a little bit? Do I look like I’m that person that’s going to sell this bag of flour online?” They’re like, “We cannot allow it.” I come home and I’m like, “I know it’s only 10:30 in the morning but day drinking,” but I didn’t. It doesn’t feel good. It’s important that we talk about that and go, “When I come home from the grocery store or when I get mocked by the chest freezer sales guy, I feel bad inside. It doesn’t feel good.” That acknowledgment of going, “We’re all feeling weird.” Do you want to know what my superpower is? Which it gets weird, I’m on, “Put Michelle on stage. She got weird. She’s going to manage this.” What’s happening is that I’m having a lot of people call me, a lot of clients coming to me and going, “Are you okay?” I’m going, “Most days I’m good. Let’s set some structure in place for you so you can feel good as much as you want.”
Let’s talk about that because that is what affects more people than we get. It’s like little kids do good with structure. They get up in the morning, they go to bed at specific times, they get a nap in the middle of the day, and structure is worn off the window. Parents are like, “I’ve got to intervene with my kid. I can’t hire the school team about what was going on.”
Are those the best memes? One of my cousins who has younger children, she’s like, “Are you kidding me? The stores are out of toilet paper, but you can buy booze. Do parents not know what’s going to happen? Do you not see the writing on the wall team?”
I’ve seen people overcome things. I saw somebody, a friend of mine who had a virtual play date for her four-year-old with her best friend via a MacBook. They did a Zoom call and they had a virtual blender playing Barbie’s on coloring together. Steph had the idea like, “All these parents are freaking out. Why don’t they do a Zoom call with her kids and have one teacher teach math for an hour and they go on with reading or math?”
I know some schools are doing that. When we talk about structure and we talk about the magic words, I wonder, what are we talking about? When this all started going on, we started to see the writing on the wall. It was a big avalanche, that ball rolling down the hill, we can see it gaining snow and it starts to roll down, and we can all see it coming toward us. I’ve had in the past anxiety issues. One of the most important reasons that I teach what I teach is because I needed to learn it for me. I can spin any scenario out like no one’s business. It’s like, “Scott and Steph were coming into town. I wonder.” I can be like, “What if they come and they don’t, the fact that there are stains in my carpet in that one bedroom. Why would they even go in there? Who are they to touch me?”
The stains on the couch when the cat was pissing on it or the fact that the Christmas tree is still up.
I’ve been able to spin these out so when we could see the writing on the wall, we could see something was coming toward us. I can visualize it and I’m sitting on my couch in our bedroom with Aaron and I start to ask questions. I start to go, “What do you think is happening?” I go all the way to Cormac McCarthy’s The Road. I go all the way there and it’s like post-apocalyptic and I’m starting to think about who would have bunkers. I’m like, “Why don’t we reel that back in, Michelle? I don’t think anybody came prepared for that but what can we prepare for?” That’s when it started getting interesting.
When we talk about structure and having a solid ground asking ourselves the question, it’s very methodical and it was not a methodical person. Honestly, I had this real wackadoo childhood and it injured my brain. As I’ve done the work that I’ve done, as I’ve practiced the things that I preach, these logical process things come into for me and I love teaching them to people because anybody who’s had some wonky stuff has some injuries in there. This situation where we’re out of control explodes those things. It’s why I’ve had to bring myself back in going, “You’re all good. You know the process.”
Talking about structure, it gets to look like anybody wants it to look and that’s the important thing. If I said, “Scott, have them go to my website, MichelleYoungCoaching.com and I’m going to give them an apocalypse planner.” If any of you were ever fourteen in middle school and you got those planners and you’re like, “That is adorable. That is something else for me to write my next boyfriend’s name on with my last name too.” That’s what we did with them. We don’t want somebody else’s planner. We want our own plan. Giving yourself structure that feels good to you and an increment, number one, when you’re providing structure for yourself, don’t go to the magazines unless you want to. Don’t go to Pinterest unless you want to get ideas.
Do what you want to do but that’s exactly my point. Do go to Pinterest if you want and don’t if you don’t. Do get up at 6:00 AM if you want and get up at 10:00 if you want. There’s not any moralistic experience that happens at 6:00 AM that does not happen at 10:00 AM. There’s no science behind that. You get to make a structure. You get to make a schedule that feels good to you and is working toward the areas that you want to work toward. Having somebody else give you a great idea, that’s awesome but you get to choose. Number one, make your own structure. Number two, start making incremental steps.
Remember, I went all the way to the apocalypse and I’m like, “We’re going to need to trade in all the goats and get some packing mules.” I don’t know what would happen in that case. Whatever it is that you think would be your next best step. Let’s be clear, this is a slow burn team. Everybody reading this knows this is a slow burn because we’re all sitting at home going, “It turns out I have time to learn how to poach the perfect egg and I’m going to take down two hours to do that.” We didn’t have them for weeks, we didn’t have those two hours and now we do. It’s all changing and it’s not all changing for the worst. You might have some financial concerns, but what can you do about that right now? Nothing you say? Put it on your calendar for tomorrow morning when you can.
That’s the thing with all the different jobs that are available out there because you do have a transfer of workforce from the tourism industry and the services industry going, “Grocery stores are hiring. Amazon is hiring. Uber Eats is hiring.” They are not great paying jobs but then at least something is better than nothing. A lot of those things can be set off hours especially later in the day or in the evening for stock. It still gives you the day to get some things done to put your plan in place, to start embracing the suck of starting something new, failing forward on things, and connecting with others that are in the same situation. What did you do?
Somebody was considered successful if they spent 50 years at a company and then they got their gold watch. This was many years ago. I’m older than Scott, he’s a young kid compared to me. Years ago, I read this article that said, “That was what success used to look and success now looks like two years in multiple industries over a period of time giving you this broad base of experience.” That’s what people are looking for. The truth is that a broad base of experience is what makes us genius. If we go, “When I was working in the food industry, we used to do this and now I’m working in the automotive industry and we can transfer that experience over to this.” That’s what makes people valuable. When you go to my website, MichelleYoungCoaching.com, there’s a free program called 21-day Life by Design.
I’m going to tell you the juice behind it because this goes to you talking about people working for Uber Eats or working for a grocery store, and stocking, those kinds of things. What studies show is that people get into a rut or they might even call it their structure. I get up at this time. I make this for my meal, I exercise, this is the route that I take to work. When I go to work I do these things, I come home, and I make dinner, whatever the routine is. People say, “That’s my structure.” What it is, that’s their comfort zone. That’s not structured up. 21-Day Life by Design is an easy 21-day program where you have 21 assignments to do different things. Those 21 assignments are specifically designed to have you do things differently.
The universe handed everybody a 21-day Life by Design because you cannot do things the way you did things weeks ago. You simply have been shoved out of the nest and it’s time for us to fly. When we look at that and go, “Isn’t that interesting?” A completely different animal then, “What am I going to do? I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills.” This is a different animal and there’s a time for that. We’ve already established that, but when we go to, “I wonder what I could do that I would enjoy more than what I was doing. The only thing that I can do is work these three hours a day. I wonder what I would want to do? What would I enjoy doing? What would bring value?” I’m talking to a lot of coaches because I trained coaches as well. I’m talking to a lot of them who were like, “How do I start in this industry?” I’m going, “This is a beautiful time to start because you start giving away.”
I’ve been doing it for years. Give away your best stuff because people need it. They’re not looking at necessarily buying it but they need it so give it away. I’ve got to give Karen Leland some credit here because I learned this from her. This is a good time for the people that come to you that you’re normally supplying to come to you as a resource. There may not be money involved, but this will change. We will get back in our zone. This is a great time to change lanes because nobody’s making money. Why not start doing what you want to do and not make money instead of keep doing what you don’t want to do and not make money?
One of the things that we’ve been talking with people a lot on a regular basis like every little struggle. You talked about this get rid of the O subscription. You don’t have to worry about your mortgage or your rent payment for the most part. While you’re worried about paying that, it’s more so that you’re worried about what do I do in 60 days? What do I do in 90 days? What do I do in six months if this drags on? You can constantly keep waiting for Viggo Mortensen to show up at your door and dragging a cart. Skeletor man with a little kid from the movie The Road or you can do, as you said, start giving away. If you’ve got a superpower or a talent, get online, share it with people, and share the resources and help out. If there are other people in your industry, a lot of people are looking for some help because they don’t have people in their office anymore. That’s why you do it virtually, a VA. Get out and be a gopher. We all have different superpowers. This is the time that we’re going through a toxic dump to figure out and grow those superpowers so that we don’t end up looking like Deadpool with a rotten avocado for a head.
It’s important that we note that there are people that are suffering. It’s important that we don’t go, “This is the best thing that ever happened,” because it’s not for everybody. That being said, it’s become into clear focus for me that two different things can happen at the same time and they seem like they’re opposing things, but they’re not. The book A Tale of Two Cities starts out with, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” I believe wholeheartedly that that’s what we’re looking at right now. For those of us who are not struggling to stay alive or to get the next meal in our mouth, we might be struggling to keep a roof over our heads or we might be struggling in some other way.
For those of us who have those two things, this is a beautiful time. I’ve talked to many people who are like, “My house is clean and I’ve been meaning to do this for years.” I know that I’m doing projects. I would have been doing this show from home, but our internet is too bad. I changed my whole backdrop. I’ve had a terrible backdrop. I hung some stuff up and I was like, “I feel like $1 million. I feel like I can podcast better now.” This is the best of times to look at things, to take some time to do some resets, to figure out relationships. We could ignore a lot of things when we had distractions but those distractions have been viciously and brutally ripped away from us. I wonder what good there may be in that.
Hopefully, you love the one you’re holed up with for the most part.
Our middle son and his wife, they have a new baby and they live in an apartment in our house but we share a kitchen. We’re around each other a lot more. I’ve noted everybody’s fairly tidy and well-behaved. We can do this but it doesn’t always end up that way. I want to tell you a story. Aaron and I travel a lot and we have had rotating families come to live with us because we have four kids and that’s how it works. I’ve made it a rule at our house because I love coffee. I don’t drink tons of it but I drink it every day. Since we travel a lot, I said, “I’m buying the coffee and I don’t care that you drink my good coffee because it’s a sin not to drink good coffee but I want one cup when I get home, that’s all I need.” I mentioned there’s a new baby at our house, we got back from our trip and there was no coffee left in the house. I was like an addict. I’m walking and I’m like, “I’m sure there’s one behind this door.”
I’m pounding around my kitchen and Aaron got where he was like, “Are you going to flip out on the kids?” I’m like, “No, I feel angry right now. I had some feelings.” A day or two later, I said to my family, “I’m sure something came up.” This is the part that I wanted to tell that story because even in the best of circumstances, people tread on us. We’re betrayed with coffee. I said, “I know that things came up and you and I had a conversation about this in the future. What I’d love to have happiness is I will buy three bags of coffee before I go on a trip and two of them are yours, have them. The third one’s mine.”
My son said, “Noted.” That was the entire conversation. Seriously, Aaron’s eyes were bad because I was swearing. It was the morning. There was no coffee. Don’t blame me. I had my feelings and then we had a reasonable discussion about it where I said, “These are my boundaries.” Everybody else said, “We see that.” Nobody did anything wrong. The truth is no matter the circumstances that you’re stuck in, even if you’re getting your last nerve stepped on, people aren’t doing it on purpose. They’re unaware of it. When we can speak our needs and say, “This is what I would like to happen in the future,” versus, “Why do you always,” then we can mend some of these relationships that need to be mended.
We’re all going to have those periods of time where the sink fills up with dirty dishes as we all have. Other things are a little bit more stressful like I got a closing that’s been delayed for weeks now.
That’s worse than the coffee.
Sometimes, in the moment of the morning, the coffee is as important to get you through that.
I was a crazy face.
Been it, understand it, and let’s move on from there.
Do you know what I’ve found with my clients, Scott, and in my own life as well? When we acknowledge our emotions to ourselves like what they are. A lot of times when somebody says, “I’m aggravated.” What they’re trying to say is I feel scared. When we can identify what’s going on if there’s a betrayal involved, we may be, “I’m angry. You don’t get to talk to me like that anymore. I don’t allow that in my life.” If somebody yells at us and says, “I hear you yelling at me and you sound angry, but I’m wondering if you feel scared.” It’s the most amazing thing when I employ those things which sound clinical. They do and I was uncomfortable when I first learned them but I didn’t know how to say it. I said my clinical words, nobody ever turns around to me and says, “That sounds clinical. Stop trying to analyze me.” They say, “I am feeling scared and you did this and then I felt more scared, and then we can have a real conversation.” Let’s check in with ourselves, see what the actual emotion is because those emotions will tell you what your next best step can be.
That’s good stuff there, Michelle, because it’s fearful. You hear all this worst stuff, you pay attention on Facebook. You see all sorts of it. It’s easy to internalize all these other emotions and frustrations that are being poured out.
You go on Facebook and you see people yelling at each other. Honestly, I don’t have people that do that for the most part on my feed. You see people getting up in people’s faces. I saw Washington had a stay-at-home order and there was a feed, a woman asked about teaching her teenager to drive during this period of time. A couple of people went off on her hardcore like, “Why didn’t you kill the emergency people because you’re selfish.” They called her names and they went after her. It would have been fascinating to be in a room and say, “Are you going to say this in person?” Secondly to say, “It sounds like you’re scared because this is a world that we’re not used to. Is that accurate?” We would get a different response. It doesn’t mean people’s behaviors, we allow them and go, “They’re scared so they had to be mean to us.” It does mean that there is something else under there.
If we don’t address that either with them or with ourselves, our emotions will start spewing out onto people whether we know it or not. That’s the scary one. It’s like, “I’m sorry.” My husband was like, “Are you in a bad mood?” I was like, “No.” He’s like, “You’re scowling on them.” I’m like, “Apparently I am in a bad mood.” That’s a minor one. I promise I’ve spewed my emotions worse than that before but we do. If you pretend you’re not scared when you’re scared, if you pretend that you’re not angry if you’re feeling angry about something, that does not go away. It will eventually spew all over everybody so pay attention. What am I feeling? Is there something I want to do about that? If not, great, put it aside. If yes, choose when and move forward because they’re not going to go away.
They don’t. You can try to bottle up your anger and it’s going to creep out in some fashion either yelling at yourself, your spouse, your pets, or getting angry.
I know people that are good at shoving emotions and not great at not having ulcers.
What is the best way for people to get ahold of you, Michelle, if they want to see what’s going on with you?
MichelleYoungCoaching.com, I’m a fabulous coach and a terrible tech person so you can go there. I think the 21-day Life by Design link works. The best way is either MichelleAtPlay@Gmail.com. I have Michelle Young Coaching on Facebook as well. You can get to me through there.
We want to say thank you for taking time out of your busy day of work.
Did I make poached eggs? I did because I had time.
Besides the poached egg, what’s one thing that you spend a little bit more time doing that you’re excited about?
I’m an artist and honestly, I had a tiny painting that I did years ago that was not fabulous. It was either stolen, broken, or lost. We had it at our beach house. I got mad when I thought somebody threw it away because they didn’t like it because we share a house. I thought, “Somebody didn’t like it.” I got all up in my own head. I thought, “Screw you. I’m going to make a 3×4-foot painting of this now.” I’ve been painting a lot more and it’s fun that you asked me this because I can’t go out, I ordered some ink pens and they arrived because I wanted to start doing some pen and ink drawings. What about you?
I enjoy cooking for the most part.
I bet you’re a good cook.
I can’t complain.
You fed me enough good meals, Scott, that there’s no way you’re not an excellent cook. You’ve taken me to enough restaurants where you’re like, “You’ve totally got to eat here, just order anything.” I’m like, “I will follow you wherever you cook.”
It’s a chance to cook when everybody’s stocked, I was like, “What do I cook that if I don’t cook it’s going to go bad like the vegetables or the stuff like that?” I’ve got to figure out what to cook so we can put stuff away a little bit.
I have leftovers. You’re not cooking every minute.
I’m enjoying cooking. I spend more time doing that. We’ve been doing the online events for years and online stuff so it’s not a too big difference. Some of the places where there are closing and getting delayed. Skeleton crews working in a lot of the state offices, so we can’t go. Let’s reach out. Let’s connect with some realtors. Let’s reach out to our borrowers and say, “What’s going on with you guys? Do you need some time?” I’ve always tried to work out for the most part, so working out remotely here, which is not too difficult. I’ve done that but cooking is the most listed thing. That’s the thing more so than what I can say on camera anyway.
Good on you.
I love you so much, give our best to Aaron as well.
I sure will. Give Steph a hug for me.
He’s under love. We’ll see you later.
As she said, go over and check her out, MichelleYoungCoaching.com or MichelleAtPlay@Gmail.com to spend some time with you. She’s a great person. I love what she does. You do that. This best of times or worst of times might come out being on the better side of life for you. Go out, take some action, and we’ll see you all at the top.
- Michelle Pierson Young
- The Road
- Karen Leland
- Michelle Young Coaching – Facebook group
About Michelle Pierson Young
Michelle Pierson Young has spent her life learning people, personality styles and entrepreneurialism. Michelle’s 30-year career, running various organizations and working with diverse teams, has informed her teaching and coaching style extensively. Today her clients are women as well as men.
Her communication style bridges the differences between sexes and brings groups and teams to common ground. Most importantly, Michelle’s unique experience in a collaborative, 33+ year marriage informs her work at the core level. Together, she and her husband Aaron share 4 children, their children’s partners and 6 sassy grandchildren.
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