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Are You An Askhole?
I might be venting a little bit here, but I’m sure a lot of people identify with this and what they see out there in the market. I can guarantee many of you have seen some of the things I’m going to discuss here. It’s just humorous. I ran it by a few of my peers that I respect and trust. That’s a great deal. This needs to go viral. It’s something you’re going to want to share. I think this is not geared toward those that are doing things or making things happen because this episode “Are you an askhole?” is designed to vent a little bit. We keep rocking and rolling and I had a great phone call with my good friends and peers in the industry and cracking it up at some people. My buddy, Robby Woods gave me a phone call. We visited for a good 30 to 45 minutes on where the market’s come and what we’re working both towards. Those are the calls that I really love. I love hearing from people who are taking action or doing things. We had a great Fast Track Training.
Doug and Trey are just doing amazing things already and you’ve got to watch out for these two guys coming forward here in the near future. They are already making some big things happen. When I started thinking about things that frustrate me the most not only as a note investor, but a podcaster or as an educator in this industry. It’s the askholes out there and you’re probably like, “Am I hearing you say that correctly?” Yes, I am saying that correctly, an askhole. What’s an askhole you ask? It’s a word that’s come up to describe someone who asks for your advice but never follows through on it. We’ve all got friends that are askholes. That in itself is aggravating enough and you shouldn’t do it. I’d also add to the definition of the person who always wants free consulting, free training, free coaching or free advice.
Think about it. What has that person you’re asking done to be able to give an informed opinion to begin with? Myself, I’ve invested hundreds of thousands of dollars, hundreds and thousands of hours into the note craft. I’ve done this for over a decade now and I get people that always ask and they want free, “Can I get the stuff?” Look at BiggerPockets and seeing the different threads out there on Facebook and other things like that. All the people are just bashing. They want you to give your information away for free nonstop but they don’t take any action or they won’t sign up. That’s what an askhole is. I thought I would do this fun thing here. Ten signs that you’re an askhole. Basically, here’s how you go. If your focus is on small items versus the big rocks, especially if your coach tells you exactly what you need to do, you might be an askhole. That’s number ten.
Number nine is if you attend education after education event and workshop that have nothing to do with each other, nothing to do with each niche that you’re in, but never pull the trigger on anything, you might be an askhole and you just don’t know it yet. If you complain that people aren’t responding when you send an email late at night or on the weekend and they haven’t called you back by 8:00 in the morning, you are an askhole. I’m always amazed at this. People are sending an email late at 8:00 at night or 9:00 at night on the weekend and then they want you to call by 8:00 in the morning and they start complaining. That’s not cool. We don’t play that.
Here’s another one. If you ask the same question at an event that someone just asked or right before you and you weren’t listening, you might be an askhole. There’s nothing more frustrating as somebody gives an answer and people are sitting there, “Answer my question,” and they ask you the same question that you answered either a minute before, two minutes before, but somebody is too busy thinking about their question versus listening. You’re an askhole. One of the most important things that you want to do in life is to make sure and use the ratio that God gave you. Listen twice as much as you speak and you’ll be a lot happier. If you listen to advice from anyone but don’t listen to the counsel of others who is doing it, you might be an askhole. If you listen to advice from anyone but don’t listen to the actual great counsel that you’re getting from people, you are an askhole.
Number five is one of my most frustrating things when I’m doing a webinar or coaching or something like that and we’ve got a group together. If you ask weird left field questions that have no bearing on a topic being discussed, you might be an askhole. There is nothing ruder than that. When you’re going through things, you’re doing a webinar or PowerPoint and somebody asked some weird question that has no relevance on the slide you’re at. I understand asking a question from the slide earlier and being excited about things, but do yourself a favor, just chill. Don’t be an askhole. Let people get through their presentation. Let people get through it.
I was speaking at an event in another state. Some of the times, the most extreme part of askholes that I’ve seen is giving a group answering questions. I’d be talking to people about transition and this one person, one lady kept asking all these oddball. She kept interrupting me. Finally, I get to the point where I had to say, “Can you stop with your weird questions and I’ll get to those, but let’s stay on task here. I’ll get to this. This is not about you, this is about everybody in here.” That person got upset, but that’s okay. I’m like, “There are 40 people here. You’re not the only one here asking questions. There’s a big group here and if you pay attention, I’ll answer those questions definitely for you.”
Number four and this one bugs me. If you’d like to jump in and “educate” others, but haven’t done what you are teaching, you might be an educated askhole. I always crack up when I’m going to meet at groups or things like that and I see a group of people talking and suddenly somebody jumps in to give their opinion on stuff and I’m like, “What have you done?” “Nothing.” That’s the thing. I’ve spoken at events and there have been other note investors that came to it and they wanted to interrupt my presentation to make themselves look good. That’s an askhole. If we’re talking about first liens and you’re going to show up talking about second liens and sit in the front row and moved from one side to this side, getting as much attention as you can, you’re an askhole. I’m not afraid to tell you straight up that you’re not just an askhole. You’re another type of askhole.
Number three, you ask the same questions over and over again on webinars and workshops, but never do anything. This drives me bonkers. We see a lot of this happening with marketing or raising capital or calling asset managers and you see the same person, the same people asking the same questions. I have no problem people repeating and wanting to reeducate and re-saturate themselves on the information. That’s great. It’s why we offer up a lot of people to repeat a lot of times but it’s very aggravating when you’d see people and they asked the same question three months ago. They asked the same question six months ago. They asked the same question a year ago and it’s not that they have a mind block, it’s just they’re not doing anything. Those are askholes.
That’s more frustrating and this leads into number two. If you attend to every free event that you can get your hands on but never purchase or join anything. I’ve seen this. I’ve gone to speak at other events. We do webinars off on a regular basis here and somebody reached out to me like, “I’m thinking about doing the same with signing up for your mastermind.” I’m like, “Okay, great.” Two weeks later I’m speaking at Jason Bible’s event and I see a guy there and it’s the same guy and he’s like, “I’m going to end up going right this route.” I’m like, “If you’re going to go there and go that route, fine. Good for you.”
Two weeks later, I’m doing a webinar. I see that same guy log on to my webinar and he starts asking all these oddball questions. You make them like, “No offense, but you said you weren’t going to do this. You said that you were going to focus on Jason’s stuff or Tom’s or whatever it is. It’s fine. You told me flat out that you’re not going to focus on this stuff, so you might as well log off.” That’s frustrating. I’m like, “Don’t ask questions if you’re not going to be serious about it. Don’t ask questions if you suffer from over analysis paralysis. Don’t ask questions if you’re on engineering mindset and you can’t make a decision.” I understand asking questions to come to a decision, but you’ve already made a decision. There’s no reason to go back and try to beat the horse of death. You’re wasting my breath and we don’t want that. You don’t want that out there.
Here’s another thing in the days of social media. In the day of social media, this is a thing that aggravates the crap out of me to the point where I’m like, “Really?” Here’s the number one reason that you might be an askhole. If you post the exact same question across different groups a day after or hours after you get an answer from someone, but you’re hoping for a different answer. I see this happen off and on. This is different than somebody posting the same exact question, the same thing basically at the same time. I post in my group, I post in another group, I post in another group. That’s completely fine. You don’t know who’s going to respond. What is aggravating is when people have called me and I’ve given them the answer, I’ve given them the reason and then they go post the same thing or they call up people in the industry and ask the exact same question than I gave them two days ago. You’ve got to realize, I’m connected throughout the industry.
If you’re a student of mine, I’m going to hear, “So and so called to talk to me about this.” That’s awesome, but don’t ask my question. Don’t waste my time and go ask somebody else the same exact question when you’re too lazy to do what you want to do. There’s nothing more frustrating than that because that’s the point where I’m like I don’t even want to talk to people anymore. I don’t want to talk to those types of people. They’re just going to waste my time. I don’t want to waste my time. By all means. I will always give people 30 minutes. If you have never talked to me, trust me, you can pick up the phone, call me and ask me any question. It’s a totally great thing to do. I love doing that. It’s my way of communicating. What happens when it’s the same question over and over along with everything else. People are complaining. This is an askhole-free environment. It should be for the most part.
How To Stop Being An Askhole
You’ve got to stop complaining. You’ve got to start doing something. I see this happen all the time. I’m not complaining. I’m just telling you some gravels and I’ll let this thing go. People are complaining right now, “It’s too hot or it’s too cold. The bed’s too soft. It’s too hard.” A lot of the things are now and they’re complaining about everything. The bottom line is there’s a whole lot of complaint happening on a daily basis and you see this a lot in social media. “So and so didn’t return my phone call,” “So and so didn’t respond.” “My swag bag hasn’t shown up yet,” or people complaining about BiggerPockets, whatever or LinkedIn.
Most people don’t want to hear you complaining. They don’t want to hear your complaints. They don’t want your negative energy. They don’t want to be sucked into the energy drain. You don’t want to do that. There are legitimate times to complain. I totally agree there are times to complain, but don’t complain just to complain. Don’t complain about something that took place months ago or hours ago just to complain about stuff. If you’ve been wronged or something like that, I get that. That’s a different story. People bitch and moan just to bitch and moan and it gets really sad. Those are the types of people, when you see that, you want to unsubscribe or block them which is what I do. Trust me, if you complain all the time, quit doing it. Your life will be better. You’ll have a whole different outlook on life.
If all you’re doing is complain or bitch and moan, crap happens to all of us. It happens to all of us out there. How you overcome those things, quit complaining, try to find the silver lining and move on, the better off you’re going to be. If you’re going to be complaining about something that happened later on or you’re going to steer the conversation on other’s conversations so that you just start griping about crap, you are an askhole. Number three is one thing I think is very important. You have to quit being ungrateful. Stop being grateful out there. This one really does get me. How can anyone walk around without being grateful for the things that they have is just beyond me? Think about this. We have our health, you can walk. That alone is something huge compared to somebody who can’t walk or is missing a leg or whatever. If you can see, you’ve got a true blessing. If you’ve got your health, you’ve got a house, a roof over your head, you’ve got a heart. I could go on and on about this, but hopefully you get my point.
What I would love to do is challenge all of you guys out there, take out a pen and paper, not your phone, and write down 100 things that you’re grateful for. We all can go more than 100 things, but this will make you look things and take, hopefully, things that you’ve been taking for granted and realize, “I am very lucky. I am very blessed.” This is one thing that you have to look at it. If you begin to look at it as our eyes and our health and our legs and a roof or car, pets, family or friends, the deals that we have. If you start looking at them as gifts, you’d be a lot further off. You’ll feel a lot happier. Your life will be better for it when you’re grateful. I’m grateful for every one of my readers. I’m grateful for the askholes out there because they make me realize and appreciate those that are taking action more so. Thank you, askholes. You’re a blessing in disguise.
Another one big thing, this leaves a lot of things with people is you have to stop giving up. One of the things that prevent people from achieving all that they are capable of is that they give up. They give up often on a moment’s notice. They just quit. While there may be other reasons for calling it quits, I get it. You’ve got to go back to work. Finances, you have to support a spouse. Usually because the benefits of achieving the goal don’t outweigh the pain it takes to accomplish it. Think about that. It’s a comfort zone. People don’t want to get out of their comfort zone, “I’ll go ahead and quit instead of doing that.” No. This is why it’s so important that you are so clear about your why and why you’re doing the things that you want to do or the reason you set goals for that. The stronger that you are clearer and more defined about your why or why you’re doing it, the less likely you quit. If your why is not defined or is not clearly with a date and you’re very, “I’ll get to that later on,” you’ll never get to it and then you’ll quit before you get started. Make your why a priority.
If you don’t have it written down, take the time, write it down, set your goals and you’ll be much more likely to reach them by not giving up and working hard. Most people give up their goals because they think they’ll be too hard. When they get around to doing it and taking action, they realize, “That was a whole lot easier than I expected it to be. It was easier than I thought.” I’m not saying it won’t be difficult along the way in time, but if you look at people that are accomplishing amazing things, it’s because they just kept working for it. They kept, as I like to say, failing forward. They kept one foot at a time in front of each other. It would’ve been very easy for me to not go back to college. It would’ve been very easy for me to quit after my sophomore year. I took a year off and figured out what I wanted to do. College is not always for everybody, but we often have things that we want to accomplish whether it’s schooling or making income or taking a new job, a new position, moving or going out there.
If I had given up on my idea of traveling around the country nonstop back in 2010 when my whole goal thing, my world travel thing, you wouldn’t know who the note guy is. It might have some stuff online, but I wouldn’t have done it. Were there a couple of times I wanted to give up? Yeah, but I didn’t. I kept sticking to it. I kept doing it one day at a time. Sometimes life can throw you a big crap. Sometimes we all have got to take a bite of it. Stop giving up. This is why it’s so important to have mentors for people to reach out to. If you’re struggling, get on the phone sooner rather than later. Don’t waste people’s time. People that care about you, that really want to give you great counsel, they can go do something else. Ask somebody else different, make it public where they can see it.
Here’s another thing. I think we all need to stop making New Year’s resolutions. I’m always amazed that people believe that some magical things are going to happen on New Year’s Day, some sort of special power in it. I’m going to eat my black-eyed peas that day and my resolutions are going to come true. Most people out there realize it’s too tough and quit whatever goals they set for the first of the year. They give up. They went, “I’m hung over. I’m not going to start it now.” This is why I say why wait until New Year’s Day? Make now your New Year’s Day. Make your resolution to change the activities that you’re doing now to go out and find success. Every day can be a new year for each and every one of us and you can work toward your goals.
Maybe you’re struggling with weight, so get your ass to the gym now. Maybe you’re struggling on raising capital, so go out to a networking event now. Maybe you’re struggling to make some deals or buy some notes. Pick up the phone and call some asset managers. Pick up the phone and talk to somebody. Call your peers. It’s a beautiful thing, but if you keep putting your success off to New Year’s, do you know what you’re doing? You’re building negative habits. You’re putting negative habits, “I’ll just wait up. I’ll push it off.” The time is now for you to take action.
Here’s one that drives me and it goes in back with being grateful. Stop wanting and expecting everyone to like you. There aren’t many guarantees in life, but one thing you can rest assured of is not everyone is going to like you. No matter what you do or how you do it, someone somewhere is not going to like it or you. I know that can hurt to hear, but it’s the truth. It often says more about them than you. If somebody’s going to talk ugly about you, say things and not like you, it’s because they have a dark hole for a soul. They’re the ones that have issues. What should you do in this situation? I would say it’s a 33 rule. Just focus on the people that like you. Focus on the people that don’t know you. Go and win them over, those people that are on the fence. Your life will be much easier if you do focus on those that are friendly.
I see this happen all the time. People are afraid to market, scared to send an email out or to post on Facebook, “My friends might find out and I’m going to get crap about it.” Screw them. They’re not paying your bills. I don’t care. This is a big thing and this goes to the next one. I’ll come back to it, but be you. Understand that what you’re doing is important. It’s to you. If they’re not happy with it, they’re going to talk bad about you. That’s on them. Let them be miserable. You don’t have to be that way as well. Another thing here is to stop comparing yourself to others. Quit worrying about this whole, keeping up with the Joneses thing.
Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States, one of my favorite quotes he was known for saying is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Think about that. It’s simple, but it’s the truth. When we look at others and compare our lives to theirs, it’d be easy to forget how great ours is. Don’t forget much of what you see, especially with social media in the world, is not true. It’s not reality anyway. Don’t assume what’s shown is a true representation of the way things are. Oftentimes, it’s not. People tend to display their best parts only.
Remember that next time you think someone else’s life is so much better than yours. Be happy of where you’re at. Be happy with the house you have. Be happy with the car that you drive. Maybe you drive a 1977 Ford Pinto. I get that. Maybe you’re not happy about it but it’s a collector’s item and you don’t want to get in a wreck. We don’t need a big house. I was excited when I bought my new Dodge Ram pickup a few years back. It’s got barely 40,000 miles on it. It still looks great. I don’t need a Mercedes Benz. I don’t need a Tesla. I don’t need a hot rod. I’m confident that I like my Dodge Ram pickup. It gets me around. It does what I do. I’m happy with the house that we live in. I love our house. I love the location. I love this office. I don’t need to compare myself to what so and so was driving or where so and so lives.
Most of the time, and I’ll tell you this, from being out and talking with people and for the years of being a financial advisor and a mortgage broker, those that often live in the bigger things often can’t afford those things. They don’t have the same goals that I do or that we do. I focus on what I can do for myself. I don’t worry about what others say. I don’t worry about everybody liking me. I’m competing against myself. I have good days, I have bad days, but I don’t compare myself to my peers. I’m going and doing what I can.
I don’t compare and let what Eddie Speed or Donna Bauer is doing affect what I’m doing. I don’t like what others are doing in the podcast industry or the things out there affect what I’m doing now. Do I take counsel? Do I ask opinions? Do I ask what’s going on with the people I respect? I do, but I don’t let where I’m at in my experiences and that something might be ahead of me might be doing better than me. I don’t worry about that because nobody is walking in my shoes and you have to think about that. Only you can fill the shoes that you’re walking. Only you are walking a mile in your shoes. Quit complaining about others. If you’re having a hard time making money, great. It happens to everybody. It doesn’t mean you’re a loser. You just need to work a little harder. You need to tweak some things. Quit feeling bad that you don’t live in a huge house or you don’t drive a brand new car or you’re a little overweight or whatever. Go do what you need to do to get it done. The minute you start comparing yourself to others and let that be a reality versus your true reality, as President Roosevelt said, “Comparison is a thief of joy,” and you don’t want that.
That’s why I want to talk about this. I wanted to let you know that we’re here for you. If you are an askhole, the best thing you do is quit asking questions and you’ll take action being an actionhole. That’s even better. Not an askhole, but an action-minded person. It’s okay to pick up the phone and say, “I need to take action. I need to do something. How can I do this?” How can I take my business to the next level? How can I get my business started? How can I focus? What’s the best thing I can do right now to start to see some things happen in the next 30 to 60 days? Do you know what that means? You’ve got to take action.
I love the fact that we had Karen Briscoe on from Five Minutes Success talking about five minutes success habits and how it takes 66 days to build a habit, not 21 days. Twenty-one can start getting in the right direction, but you’ve got to have the patience. You can’t give up. You’ve got to eliminate waiting until next year to do it and make next year now. Be happy and be thankful. Quit complaining and go take action. If you do those things, you’ll be a lot happier off in 21, 66 days, 90 days from now. When it’s almost Christmas time, you’ll be a lot happier that you took action now versus waiting until then. Who knows? You just add on a whole lot more weight or a lot more excuses why you couldn’t get done by waiting until then versus doing it now. You can change your whole mindset. You can change your whole latitude and longitude of where you’re at in life, where you’re in business, where you’re in health, where you’re at with your relationships by going out and taking action and moving forward doing a little bit extra each day. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but you can lay those first bricks now. Go lay a brick. Go make something happen. Don’t be an askhole. We’ll see you all at the top.